This morning tears filled my eyes. I held my sweet Baby Blue Eyes. He looked at me. No, it was more than a look. His eyes were fixed on mine for what seemed like forever. He stared into my eyes as I whispered, “I love you Daniel.” “You are tenderly and passionately loved by God”. “You are a blessing sweet boy.” “I am honored to be your momma.” and other Truths that I love to tell him each day.
The tears came as I considered that for the moment he was not hurting and yet, I can’t keep the pain away. Daniel has Duchenne’s Muscular Dystrophy and while the doctors say he shouldn’t be hurting, no one can deny that he already does. Pseudohypertrophy (enlargement of calf and deltoid muscles) is just one of the symptoms of DMD. While Daniel’s calf muscles look normal, it is the deltoid muscles that seem to be over exaggerated in appearance. It is also the movement of his arms that seem to cause him pain. We must move his arms very carefully and cautiously. Even then, there are times he will scream in pain. If I move him while he sleeps and it bothers his shoulders then we may not get sleep for the rest of the night. He will groan and moan in my arms. In these moments I tend to remain strong and calmly speak to him, sing hymns, and encourage him that there is a God in Heaven that loves him, knows him, and is using even this for the best of eternity.
Last night was one of those nights…
Beth Joy came in this morning and saw the tears in my eyes. “Why are you crying momma?” she asked. “Oh, it just makes me cry when I consider that he has pain and I can’t take it away, I’ll be okay.” I replied. Bethany sweetly and confidently spoke, “Momma, you know that our God is perfect. His plan is perfect and therefore, this pain is perfect because it is part of the plan for eternity.”
She’s right. Pain, while it may not feel good, has been used countless times in my life to bring about a beauty within that nothing else could. As I consider the testimony of others with lives that were filled with pain, suffering, and persecution I can now see what they were not able to see then. I can see the beauty, the many lives that were converted to Christ, and the glory that God received through the pain.
God has brought Daniel into our lives because He decided that it was within our home that Daniels life would accomplish His perfect plan! There is not a day that goes by when I don’t praise God for allowing me to be Daniels mother, for allowing me the privilege to comfort him when he hurts and reap the reward of the smile and tender look he gives to me each day. I must keep my focus on eternity. I must teach my sweet boy to set his attention on things above. He’s too young to understand that concept right now. However, he will learn by my example. He will learn that mommy hurts because he hurts and mommy finds comfort from a Holy God that has not left us alone in those painful moments, but instead remains right there with us, working in us for our own good. He will learn that when all we can see and feel is the here and now, our God knows how this will impact us (and others) for eternity.
Pain? Could it possibly be part of a perfect God’s plan? YES! Does that make it hurt any less, no. My son will experience more pain, I will shed more tears, and God will continue to do what HE wants to do through it all.
I have been bought with a price, I am not my own.
With much love,
Mrs. Joseph Wood