I had a conversation with one of my children who asked for prayer regarding some specific insecurities. They said, “Mom I don’t know how to overcome my insecurity.” They knew it was there, they knew they wanted to get rid of it but how?
Let’s face it, we all have insecurities in some area of our lives.
Insecurities can make us say and do the dumbest things!
Insecurities cause walls to go up in what would have been beautiful relationships.
So, if we all have insecurities in some fashion, if we all know that they are nonproductive to living an abundantly healthy and happy life-style, then what do we do about them? How do we use our insecurities to help us grow into the people we want to be? Is that even possible?
Let me share what I’ve learned about how to overcome insecurity for myself, my husband, and my children.
- Give my fears to the Lord. I know that is easy to say and harder to do. Truth is fear is not from the Lord. When I am fearful in a situation, I must give it over to the Lord and ask for strength to walk through a situation by His grace. I often find myself praying through situations, “The Lord has not given me a spirit of fear rather, a sound mind, love and power” Just think about those three things that the Lord gives us: A sound mind– fear often distorts truth and prevents us from thinking clearly. Love– I need to display love as I take action and/or speak. Power– I am a strong woman because He lives in me. I can do all things through Jesus Christ.
- Focus on others instead of myself. This is a tip I learned years ago by accident. I was often in settings where I felt insecure with those I was keeping company with. I learned that if I focused on them, asking them questions and taking interest in them, I was less likely to hear thoughts from my own insecurities.
- Praise God for my strengths. The enemy often likes to point out our areas of weakness to keep us from seeing how mightily the Lord is using us. God is made strong through our weakness. We are growing. Every time I hear a thought about how I am not “good enough” I praise God for all the areas He has went before me and shown Himself mighty. I thank Him that he’s given me the ability to encourage others, praise Him for the patience that’s needed in my home ( a patience I couldn’t muster on my own), I praise Him for the marriage he’s cultivated in spite of myself! Pretty soon I find that instead of feeling insecure, I feel a sense of worship and confidence.
- Embrace a lifestyle of learning. Instead of feeling “less than”. I have chosen to embrace a life of learning. When I see there is an area I am weak in, I start looking for resources to teach myself. I don’t hesitate to ask others for help as well! The UPS man told one of my boys recently, “Your mom sure does order a lot of books.” I just hired a woman to teach me to play the cello. I had been teaching myself but felt I really needed a professional tell me how to do it right. I love those times each week to sit and learn from her. There has been research showing that people who are continually learning new things are healthier and happier! Maybe, that’s because they are overcoming those insecurities that lead so many into worry and depression.
For my husband:
- Offer words of affirmation. Our husbands get bombarded with the pressures life. Many men did not have that father example or mentor who they could go to with questions, directions, much less examples on leading a home. They often hear us as wives talk about what this pastor said, or that book was talking about and can feel like they are failing on so many fronts. Our men need to know that we understand that leading the home takes practice. They need to know we’re going to truly be helpmeets to them instead of hinderances. Make sure you develop the personal habit of affirming your husband through your words!
- Be proactive. If you see that your husband gets stressed or anxious given certain situations, take the time to be proactive in helping him prepare for them. Make sure his outfit of choice is clean and ironed, help him get out of the house on time, and above all cover him in prayer before, during, and after the situation.
- Be a woman of discernment. Knowing when to say something and when to remain quiet takes wisdom from the Lord. We need the Lord to make clearly known what and how He wants us to minister to our husbands. As women, I think we can often neglect this important character. Discernment will tell us when to speak, when to remain quiet, when to act, and when to remain still. Think of your communication like this, your relationship with your husband is like a tapestry. It takes special care to preserve it’s beauty. One wrong pulled thread can lead unravel it’s beauty. To repair the tapestry is a tedious and time-consuming job. Don’t let a lack of discretion unravel something so beautiful as your marriage. Special Note: Perhaps you already feel that the tapestry of your marriage is marred. You may not know how to put the threads back in place. I want to encourage you that our God is a God of restoration. I have seen him do wonderful things in my own marriage in spite of the hurtful and neglectful actions of my past! If you’d like to read more about my marriage story you can do so by visiting these links: When You’ve Lost Your Husband’s Heart part 1, When You’ve lost your husband’s heart part 2, She Wants YOUR Husband, and Adultery of the Heart.
For my children:
For this list, I am going to call this the ABC’s of helping our children overcome insecurities. Hopefully, this will help us remember our roles in helping our children in this area of life.
- A is for Aware! Make your children aware through role playing how to overcome insecurities. In our home, we often use role playing to equip our children with the tools to handle difficult situations such as dealing with our own insecurities. I would teach them how to praise God for strengths when they were confronted with doubt because of their weaknesses. Just making our children aware that these feelings are normal for everyone can be half the battle in helping them overcome them.
- B is for Build. Insecurities tear others and ourselves down. We want to keep a continual reminder to our children that we’re to be building others up through our conversations and decisions we’re making. To do this we need to make sure our thoughts are constructive (building up) thoughts rather, than thoughts of destruction (tearing us or others down). Teaching our children to take every thought captive is a daily task in parenting.
- C is for Communication. Communication is a huge factor in helping our children overcome their insecurities. Make sure you’re teaching them good communication skills, how to ask for help and the importance of sharing those inner feelings. Be a good listener as your child learns to communicate. Ask questions about their thoughts instead of quickly dismissing their ideas. Communication is vital for overcoming insecurities.
I hope a few of these ideas are helpful for you. I’d love to hear any ideas you have to add to the list of suggestions! Make sure you share with me.
Until our next chat,
Mrs. Joseph Wood