Intimacy in the Christian Marriage Part 4: What do I do when I don't feel like being intimate? www.amomentwithmom.com Encouraging and equipping women in their ministry in their home.

Intimacy in the Christian Marriage- Part 4

Intimacy in the Christian marriage, part 4 is as important as the first three posts in this series. Quite often, I hear from women the question, “What do I do when I don’t feel like being intimate and he does?”

Okay, so we’ve probably all been there at least once in our marriage. We’ve battled toddlers with tummy bugs, cleaned up the bathroom floor more times than we can count, had unexpected tasks that demanded our attention in the midst of it, the laundry baskets are overflowing and the sink is somewhere under a pile of dishes. We determine that we’re going to accomplish the basic survival tasks for the day and go to bed with a clean house and happy family! As we plop ourselves down in bed at the end of it in exhaustion, we hear our husband’s request for intimacy.

Communication is a HUGE component within intimacy. It’s important that we can clearly communicate our needs to our husbands and that they can communicate their needs with us. As with so many other areas of marriage it’s about each party giving to the other for the better of that person and the sacred union they share in marriage.

With that said, it’s important that we don’t deny our spouse of this time of intimacy very often! In fact, the Scriptures say:

1 Corinthians 7:5 ” Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”

What’s interesting about this passage in 1 Corinthians is that it says, “Defraud” ye not one the other. This word defraud comes from the Greek word, apostereō, which means to defraud, spoil, or rob. 

When we consider the actually meaning of this word, defraud, we can see the danger in not being honest with one another through intimacy. An example of this fraud would be pretending we’re asleep. Or what about the danger we put ourselves in when we spoil this time of intimacy with a bad attitude?  Or simply rob our spouse of intimacy all of which can lead to the dangerous undermining of our marriages! 

Intimacy in the Christian Marriage Part 4: What do I do when I don't feel like being intimate? www.amomentwithmom.com Encouraging and equipping women in their ministry in their home.

Not only being available for our spouse, but cheerfully available, is vital to a healthy marriage! 

We know that we can’t do anything good on our own. We are deceiving ourselves if we think it’s really us that makes us create a delightful marriage bed. That too is only the work of the Lord! Let me give you some tips to help us make sure we’re keeping our eyes on the Lord and activity aware of what we need to do to protect this area of marriage so that, “Satan tempt” us not for our “inconsistency”. 

Devote this time to consistent prayer!

Walking in patience and unity in this time of marriage, is just as important as walking in unity with finances, child training, or other issues of creating your “home” atmosphere. 

Remember the passage we talked about today and consider practical ways to apply the truth and be ever aware of the warning! 

I was listening to Michelle Duggar share about this topic recently. She said something to the effect of this; Anyone can iron my husband’s clothes, or answer his calls, but it’s only me that is blessed to serve him in this area of his life. She went on about how she’s used that thought to remind her, throughout the years, of how in this one area she is the only woman who satisfies her husband!

As we consider this passage in 1 Cor., as we really ponder the application of the meaning of “defraud” as it’s used in this verse, I believe all of us can see areas where we can improve our response to intimacy when we’re exhausted. Don’t let the enemy have any room to undermine your marriage. Be active. Communicate! Be purposeful in having a thriving marriage! 

With much love, 

Mrs. Joseph Wood 

Part 1 Intimacy in the Christian Marriage- Is God Silent?

Part 2- How We Should Behave

Part 3– Overcoming Pornography

Part 5– Your Questions Answered

 

7 replies
  1. Mary Williams
    Mary Williams says:

    So as someone who was sexually abused. How do we get past the feeling pregame and being dirty to satisfying my husband and the ability to open up to him and fulfill his requests. What acts are pleasing to God? That is an area I have never been informed in and it already hard to open up. What is proper and what is not?

    Reply
    • Mrs. Joseph Wood
      Mrs. Joseph Wood says:

      Mary, that is a question that I am often asked. I am going to address it in Part 5 that will be posted first thing in the morning. I want to praise God for being the One who restores what the locus has eaten. He can make this time beautiful, and God glorifying, for your husband and yourself despite the past pain that you’ve experienced. I am confident in His abilities!

      Reply
    • Janine
      Janine says:

      I cannot recommend wwww.livinginlove.org enough! It is another piece of our journey over the past 4yrs that healed and made our marriage into the true image of Christ. We went on one of their marriage retreats and started to work through past pains in & out of our relationship that affect our hearts and make it hard to open up… so much healing happened that weekend. What a gift it was. And then followed up with a weekly series of sessions to delve deeper and reunite in mind, body, and spirit as God intended. It’s a great program for married couples as well as engaged couples. Our only regret is that our marriage prep program wasn’t this profound. I think we would have had a easier journey to this point but then again, that’s all in His plan too. And because of our struggles and want for other engaged couples to be better equipped for this sacred work of Marriage, we became Living in Love mentors to engaged couples. It’s changing the world one couple at a time! Check it out. *It is a Catholic program and I don’t know if there are enough mentors to step outside of that faith but… it would be awesome to see it take off in all faiths and even non-denominational as the founders do a beautiful job of equating God=love. It speaks to everyone. It spoke to my “fallen away” husband that weekend and slowly transformed him into one of the most Godly men I know. His Grace is ENOUGH! <3 Another resource I have found has similar principles is the book: Love & Respect. God Bless all engaged & married persons!

      Reply
  2. Globalnomad
    Globalnomad says:

    Hi! I just happened on your blog after seeing it on Darlene Schacht’s post. My question is – what to do to interest your husband when you’re the one interested in intimacy & he takes F.O.R.E.V.E.R. to get around to it? I’m talking weeks between times. Yes, he often stays up late & sleeps late, yes, he’s had a porn problem, yes, he says he has a normal male drive, and yes, I often have bad attitudes when disappointed. I try to stay up with him as late as I can, & then I crash out by 10 or 11, overtired & disappointed. We’re relatively early in marriage, have one child, & he is afraid of having another anytime soon – he openly tells me its a lack of faith. I’ve tried coaxing, cuddling, & asking, and then the flip side of anger, helplessness, disappointment & resentment that builds when he continually rejects my advances. I got married having read & heard SO MANY articles about the woman giving herself to her husband… where are the articles saying the husband has a duty to his wife too?

    Reply
    • Mrs. Joseph Wood
      Mrs. Joseph Wood says:

      That’s a question that others have as well. I currently have some extra questions/answers we’re adding to this series. I will make sure to include this one. As for where all the article are about husband’s duty to their husband…. they are out there! I am happy to share those here on the blog too. I guess my only thought is this: We can’t change other people. We can only change ourselves. So how are we going to respond when our husband’s don’t see the need or have the desire to be with us physically?

      Reply
      • Globalnomad
        Globalnomad says:

        Aw, thanks for that. I’ll look forward to hearing additional Q&A about it. I realize I came off strongly, asking about articles on the other side – I’m sorry for that & didn’t mean offense. You’re absolutely right: I can only change me – and that with God’s help! I guess I need to learn to deal with frustration gracefully. I know in my head that Jesus must be enough and that I can’t expect my husband to fill all my needs – that’s a burden only God can bear… I just forget. Need to quiet my heart & remember.

        Reply

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