Intimacy in the Christian marriage, part 4 is as important as the first three posts in this series. Quite often, I hear from women the question, “What do I do when I don’t feel like being intimate and he does?”
Okay, so we’ve probably all been there at least once in our marriage. We’ve battled toddlers with tummy bugs, cleaned up the bathroom floor more times than we can count, had unexpected tasks that demanded our attention in the midst of it, the laundry baskets are overflowing and the sink is somewhere under a pile of dishes. We determine that we’re going to accomplish the basic survival tasks for the day and go to bed with a clean house and happy family! As we plop ourselves down in bed at the end of it in exhaustion, we hear our husband’s request for intimacy.
Communication is a HUGE component within intimacy. It’s important that we can clearly communicate our needs to our husbands and that they can communicate their needs with us. As with so many other areas of marriage it’s about each party giving to the other for the better of that person and the sacred union they share in marriage.
With that said, it’s important that we don’t deny our spouse of this time of intimacy very often! In fact, the Scriptures say:
1 Corinthians 7:5 ” Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”
What’s interesting about this passage in 1 Corinthians is that it says, “Defraud” ye not one the other. This word defraud comes from the Greek word, apostereō, which means to defraud, spoil, or rob.
When we consider the actually meaning of this word, defraud, we can see the danger in not being honest with one another through intimacy. An example of this fraud would be pretending we’re asleep. Or what about the danger we put ourselves in when we spoil this time of intimacy with a bad attitude? Or simply rob our spouse of intimacy all of which can lead to the dangerous undermining of our marriages!
Not only being available for our spouse, but cheerfully available, is vital to a healthy marriage!
We know that we can’t do anything good on our own. We are deceiving ourselves if we think it’s really us that makes us create a delightful marriage bed. That too is only the work of the Lord! Let me give you some tips to help us make sure we’re keeping our eyes on the Lord and activity aware of what we need to do to protect this area of marriage so that, “Satan tempt” us not for our “inconsistency”.
Devote this time to consistent prayer!
Walking in patience and unity in this time of marriage, is just as important as walking in unity with finances, child training, or other issues of creating your “home” atmosphere.
Remember the passage we talked about today and consider practical ways to apply the truth and be ever aware of the warning!
I was listening to Michelle Duggar share about this topic recently. She said something to the effect of this; Anyone can iron my husband’s clothes, or answer his calls, but it’s only me that is blessed to serve him in this area of his life. She went on about how she’s used that thought to remind her, throughout the years, of how in this one area she is the only woman who satisfies her husband!
As we consider this passage in 1 Cor., as we really ponder the application of the meaning of “defraud” as it’s used in this verse, I believe all of us can see areas where we can improve our response to intimacy when we’re exhausted. Don’t let the enemy have any room to undermine your marriage. Be active. Communicate! Be purposeful in having a thriving marriage!
With much love,
Mrs. Joseph Wood
Part 1 Intimacy in the Christian Marriage- Is God Silent?
Part 2- How We Should Behave
Part 3– Overcoming Pornography
Part 5– Your Questions Answered