Intimacy in the Christian Marriage Part 3 ~ Overcoming Pornography Addiction in the Marriage. A Moment with Mom ~ Equipping and encouraging women in their ministry in the home.

Intimacy in the Christian Marriage Part 3


Monday, we talked about Intimacy in the Christian Marriage Part 2 How then should we behave. As I started this series it was important to me to answer the most common questions I get asked. Today, we address an aspect that is very personal and has put a strain on many Christian Marriages. Pornography.

Remember when we discussed how we should behave, and I mentioned that we were to put 1 Peter 2:9 into action?

1 Peter 2:9 But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;

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Pornography and all that goes along with it is part of that darkness that we’ve been called out of. It has no place in the Christian marriage.

Pornography will undermine the foundation of your marriage. Remember, Proverbs 19:14? A prudent wife is from the Lord. Prudent was defined as, “acting with or showing care and thought for the future.” We must consider what we are allowing in this blessed area of intimacy within the Christian Marriage. 

When I talk to women about this subject, finding common ground on the devastating impact of pornography isn’t the issue. The issue most often comes down to the fact that either the husband or the wife (Yes, wives struggle in this area too!) are struggling with the shame and addiction of pornography. It has impacted their relationship to such a depth that often the very foundation of their marriage is crumbling! 

Many times they clearly know that what they are doing is not shewing “forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;”  Yet, they are unclear how to develop thoughts that are Biblically accurate. 

First, let me say that if it is your spouse that struggles in this area, there is Hope! 

While we may find it difficult not to “weigh” sin. God says that all sin leads to death. You can pray for your spouse and this issue of pornography just like you would want your spouse to pray for your struggle with gossip, slothfulness, or not honoring your parents. 

Secondly, I would encourage you to show respect toward your husband while you remain pure in your conduct. Even unsaved husbands can be won to the Lord, not by our words, but by our conduct. We have a great responsibility to the Lord for how we behave! 

1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct

Lastly, I want to encourage you to be patient. Overcoming sin in our lives can take time. It’s God that does the restoration work. We know we can’t do anything good on our own. It is God alone that will complete the good work that He has begun. We must be confident in His ability and His timing!

Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ: 

Five Tips to overcome pornography within the Christian marriage: 

1- Confess! You must first acknowledge that your actions are sin

2- Create a system of accountability in your life with people you can trust and be transparent with

3- Remove all temptation as you can, but remember temptations will always present themselves. It’s how we respond to those temptations that is critical! Make sure you turn the other way! 

4- Get in the Word. It is only God’s Word that is promised not to return void! 

5- Repent day by day! If you fall, don’t stay there.. get back up and strive to do right! 

I know that in the midst of the struggle, sometimes our confidence can tire. Often these personal struggles remain unspoken until they have taken a toll on the marriage altogether. Don’t isolate yourself! You are not alone!! Do not grow weary in well doing! Get connected with women that will love you and support you to love your husband in a way that shews forth His praises. 

Do you have specific questions about this topic? I invite you to write me. I would love to answer them for you as the Lord leads. I would be honored to pray with you as well! 

Because of His Love, 

Mrs. Joseph Wood 

Part 1 Intimacy in the Christian Marriage- Is God Silent?

Part 2- How We Should Behave

Part 4– When I don’t Feel Like Being Intimate

Part 5– Your Questions Answered

 

7 replies
    • Liz
      Liz says:

      Cynthia,

      Intimacy has nothing to do with pornography. An addict may act out the same night as having sex with his wife. Having sex with your husband will not keep him from being tempted with porn.

      Reply
  1. Katherine
    Katherine says:

    Thank for this post. It had been a struggle for both my husband and I. When I was younger I was molested by the son of my babysitter at the time. It had an impact on my life that was difficult to understand. So I grew up with the fascination of sex. Thankfully God was with me and I knew to wait for my husband and I would pray for him..not knowing who he was yet. My husband being a man had struggled with it. It came to light the 3rd week of our marriage. He couldn’t live with the guilt so he told me about it. Since then we have been praying together. After over a year now of marriage we have become stronger. And the struggle is no longer there. Thank you again.

    Reply
  2. Liz
    Liz says:

    Sexual addiction can be devastating on a marriage. Remaining in marriage with an unfaithful spouse is not always advisable. And porn is cheating on your spouse. Every time a spouse fantasizes about sex with someone outside their marriage they are committing adultery. In most cases sexual addiction begins with porn and progresses to more extreme forms of acting out as the addict is always looking for something new to reach that chemical high. Recovery from sex/porn addiction is possible but requires accountability and addressing the underlying emotional issues the addict is masking by acting out. Utilize programs such as SA or Celebrate Recovery. Research sex/porn addiction and groups or therapies that focus on recovery and sobriety. But women do not have to remain silent while their husband is unfaithful to them and exposes their homes and families to filth.

    Reply
  3. Janine
    Janine says:

    As a woman of God, a wife of a former addict, a sinner myself and birth worker I have seen first-hand how devastating wasting (we call it that because it shows that the reason it’s wrong is because we are wasting this precious gift of sexuality and passion that God gave us when it is not directed at the one God created for us)… can be to everyone connected to the victim (aren’t we all victims of victim). I struggled with guilt and pain mixed with anger and wanting to run away for a long time until we found http://www.reclaimsexualhealth.com That program was such a Godsend for both of us (we both worked through it together– I have unhealthy addictions also, sugar for example) and it really opened our minds to the reasons why our brains need stimulation, how they “hook” you and how to use the brain for good and to retrain it… It was very enlightening and improved our lives in every aspect. I highly recommend it. With lots of prayer, patience, forgiveness, and love. God led us to victory and now we are so incredibly happily married with no issues of trust or wasting– Praise God!!

    Reply

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