Monday, we talked about Intimacy in the Christian Marriage Part 2 How then should we behave. As I started this series it was important to me to answer the most common questions I get asked. Today, we address an aspect that is very personal and has put a strain on many Christian Marriages. Pornography.
Remember when we discussed how we should behave, and I mentioned that we were to put 1 Peter 2:9 into action?
1 Peter 2:9 But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;
Pornography and all that goes along with it is part of that darkness that we’ve been called out of. It has no place in the Christian marriage.
Pornography will undermine the foundation of your marriage. Remember, Proverbs 19:14? A prudent wife is from the Lord. Prudent was defined as, “acting with or showing care and thought for the future.” We must consider what we are allowing in this blessed area of intimacy within the Christian Marriage.
When I talk to women about this subject, finding common ground on the devastating impact of pornography isn’t the issue. The issue most often comes down to the fact that either the husband or the wife (Yes, wives struggle in this area too!) are struggling with the shame and addiction of pornography. It has impacted their relationship to such a depth that often the very foundation of their marriage is crumbling!
Many times they clearly know that what they are doing is not shewing “forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;” Yet, they are unclear how to develop thoughts that are Biblically accurate.
First, let me say that if it is your spouse that struggles in this area, there is Hope!
While we may find it difficult not to “weigh” sin. God says that all sin leads to death. You can pray for your spouse and this issue of pornography just like you would want your spouse to pray for your struggle with gossip, slothfulness, or not honoring your parents.
Secondly, I would encourage you to show respect toward your husband while you remain pure in your conduct. Even unsaved husbands can be won to the Lord, not by our words, but by our conduct. We have a great responsibility to the Lord for how we behave!
1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct
Lastly, I want to encourage you to be patient. Overcoming sin in our lives can take time. It’s God that does the restoration work. We know we can’t do anything good on our own. It is God alone that will complete the good work that He has begun. We must be confident in His ability and His timing!
Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:
Five Tips to overcome pornography within the Christian marriage:
1- Confess! You must first acknowledge that your actions are sin
2- Create a system of accountability in your life with people you can trust and be transparent with
3- Remove all temptation as you can, but remember temptations will always present themselves. It’s how we respond to those temptations that is critical! Make sure you turn the other way!
4- Get in the Word. It is only God’s Word that is promised not to return void!
5- Repent day by day! If you fall, don’t stay there.. get back up and strive to do right!
I know that in the midst of the struggle, sometimes our confidence can tire. Often these personal struggles remain unspoken until they have taken a toll on the marriage altogether. Don’t isolate yourself! You are not alone!! Do not grow weary in well doing! Get connected with women that will love you and support you to love your husband in a way that shews forth His praises.
Do you have specific questions about this topic? I invite you to write me. I would love to answer them for you as the Lord leads. I would be honored to pray with you as well!
Because of His Love,
Mrs. Joseph Wood
Part 1 Intimacy in the Christian Marriage- Is God Silent?
Part 2- How We Should Behave
Part 4– When I don’t Feel Like Being Intimate
Part 5– Your Questions Answered