Intimacy in the Christian Marriage ~ How can we honor God in the Bedroom?

Intimacy in the Christian Marriage Part 1

Intimacy in the Christian marriage must be a subject I get asked most about from young mommas. There’s a good reason for that. It is such a vital aspect of marriage and yet, the “older women” who were to teach the younger women how to love their husbands, and children have really remained silent on the topic. This has caused  many to seek council apart from those that know Truth. We need to try and help in this area. No matter how “old” we are, we are probably an “older” woman to someone.

Well, let’s see if I can help in some way to answer your questions.

There are so many personal factors that go into a subject like this. It’s normally best as a conversation one on one with each other. I will have to answer “generally” and pray that God uses this post to help you experience the beauty of intimacy that He created!

God is not silent on this subject. He cares deeply about His people experiencing the pleasure of intimacy between husband and wife.

We were created to glorify God and while it may seem odd to some or uncomfortable at first, we most definitely can glorify God in the marriage bed.

So, what does God have to say on this subject? How do we really glorify Him in this area of our lives?

God has plenty to say!

It all started in Genesis!

Intimacy in the Christian Marriage ~ What does God have to say about it?

Genesis 1: 27-28 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them and God said unto them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. 

In Genesis 2:18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an helpmeet for him. 

God established the union of marriage between a man and woman from the very beginning. It is God’s plan for one man and one woman to be joined in marriage establishing the start of a family unit in which children will be born and raised for His glory. However, that wasn’t his only purpose of creating this union! If you examine Scripture, you’ll see that often he lets us know of great sorrow and how others were comforted through this action of oneness. Other passages talk to us about the delight of intimacy, and others warn us of neglecting this area of our marriage.

 1 Corinthians 7:5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

God created us to “know” each other through this intimate act of marriage on a regular basis. So then, how does it become something beautiful and Holy when the world seems to have made it simply an act of human instinct with no rules, no boundaries, and its only purpose is self-satisfaction?

To answer that simply, it will become a Holy experience when we direct our hearts to seek God even through the intimate moments between husband and wife. When we turn off the lights, and shut the door we need to make sure we’ve not tried to put God on the other side of that door. We must allow Him to be God and rule our hearts and thoughts even in this time of intimacy.

Boy, there’s a lot for us to talk about on this topic isn’t there?! I want to make sure I’m keeping it clear and building a good foundation that we can all develop our thoughts on, the Word of God. Make sure you send your specific questions in to me with our, Mom’s mailbox feature, and I will include them anonymously in this series.

So how are we to behave in this most intimate time of marriage? What is okay and what’s not is probably the question that is asked of me most. Next would be how to help husbands that struggle with pornography and it’s influence in the bedroom. Then would be the question of how to handle this time of marriage when we don’t “feel” like participating. Are these a few of the questions you’ve had? Do you have other questions? I would love to hear from you and answer as the Lord allows me!

I invite you to join my dear Sister in Christ, Darlene, on her new site Marriage Prayers to begin covering your marriage in prayer 365 days a year!

I will be posting Intimacy in the Christian Marriage Part 2 on Monday. I hope you’ll join me then!

With much love,

Mrs. Joseph Wood

For more in this series continuing reading here:

Part 2– How We Should Behave

Part 3– Overcoming Pornography

Part 4– When I don’t Feel Like Being Intimate

Part 5– Your Questions Answered

9 replies
  1. Renee
    Renee says:

    I’m really looking forward to this series. I was just praying to God about this this morning. Intimacy in the bedroom is something I struggle with a great deal. I saved myself for marriage even my first kiss was on my wedding day but my husband didn’t. There is a huge disconnect between us in this area and I hate that. But I don’t know what’s okay in the bedroom and what is a perversion brought on by pornography. There are things he wants that I’m not comfortable with but am I even allowed to feel that way? Are my hang ups things I need to work through or are his expectations unrealistic because of his years viewing porn and how do you tell the difference?

    Reply
    • Ash
      Ash says:

      Hi Renee! This series may give you a more in depth answer so definitely keep reading, but I wanted to encourage you that you aren’t alone! The area of what’s OK and what’s not used to be a huge area of contention in our marriage. After a lot of wise counsel and prayer this is the conclusion we’ve come to: our consciences are God given so going against it would be sin. Although a specific sexaul act (we’ll call it x) may not be against my husband’s conscience he, as my husband, is called to present me as Holy and blameless to the Lord. So although the act of x may not be sin for him, doing x with me would be sin because he’s making me sin. It’s like in 1 Cor. (I think) where it’s talking about how we should not make the ‘weaker’ (in conscience) brother stumble. That being said, we have to be careful not to use that as an excuse to not do something just because it’s not or preference (because our bodies are no longer our own). I would encourage you guys to find an older couple that you guys feel comfortable talking about this with. It’s not an easy subject and it takes time but having a safe forum for you guys to discuss this would definitely help. Hope this helps :)

      Reply
      • Ash
        Ash says:

        Also, themarriagebed.com is a super great Christian website about sex. It has tons of super helpful articles for just about every topic :)

        Reply
        • Kelly Smith
          Kelly Smith says:

          As an older woman who has been married for 32 years and believes passionately that this subject is vitally important and needs to be talked about, I would not recommend themarriagebed.com site. I looked it over extensively and thought they have a good attitude and are very sincere but there is misinformation and a lack of discretion. I’m sorry to disagree but I felt violated after reading through the site even though there are some very good things on there. There is a book called, Solomon on Sex by Joseph C. Dillow, I found it on Amazon after it was recommended by a neat friend. It is beautifully written and goes through Song of Solomon and explains it. Wow, this amazing subject inspired from God Himself! I am eager to give it to our daughter shortly before her upcoming wedding and to our son in love to be. I believe this subject ought to be talked about as it is sadly not being embraced, enjoyed and cherished as God so kindly ordained, but we need to be so careful how we do so. May God turn each of our hearts to our husbands and may we give freely and willingly to them as God ordained and find great fulfillment and joy in doing so.

          Reply
          • Mrs. Joseph Wood
            Mrs. Joseph Wood says:

            Thank you for sharing, Kelly! Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. Weddings are such joyous occasions. We just had one for our daughter Bethany on the 17th of May. I’m still smiling about all of the wondrous details!

  2. Kristy @ Little Natural Cottage
    Kristy @ Little Natural Cottage says:

    I’m so looking forward to this series, Mrs. Wood! Thank you for writing and sharing on this topic. I find that most “older” women will not address it within the church body, and that makes it hard for us younger wives! When the only perspective you’re hearing is from the culture, it’s hard to embrace a truly Biblical point of view.

    Can’t wait to read on Monday!

    Reply
  3. Anonymous
    Anonymous says:

    How much do you feel should be “explained” before a bride and groom get married. I’ve heard conflicting reports on this. Some say they need to know it all, some say you are violating their first time experience. If you have older children, how much have you explained as far as intimacy goes…all of it so they know what to expect or leave it to explore together? Thank you!

    Reply

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